Tingly feeling

I'm riding a little wave right now.

I just got back from a second callback for a feature film, and they had me read with four women (as my wife in the film), which makes me think they've already cast me and were figuring out who I'll be married to.  (Now that's an interesting form of arranged marriage).  I only say it makes me think that because they had me stay in the room and brought each woman in one at a time and the director was giving me thumbs up between each one.  I figure that's a good sign. 

The reason I'm talking about this (besides sharing a very positive moment in my path with people I care about-blog readers) is because sometime right before the first one as I was sitting in the room I started to get a tingling sensation in my spine that kind of spread in gentle waves to my head and around me.  I get this feeling sometimes when I'm acting, and I know it means I'm acting well and instead of focusing on it, which would distract of my work, or ignoring it which would also distract and weaken my work, I just experience it and rode the wave of that tingling through the scene.  I'm still feeling it now and I felt it in the first audition and first callback for this film as well.  I've felt it in the past at other odd times too.  The most regular was when I used to get my haircut.  I cut my own hair now so I don't get that feeling from it anymore, but I always used to get my haircut by Rudy (the racist) barber [he's not that racist, I just like the sound of Rudy the Racist Barber].  I'd wait in line in the shop, because it was always busy with regulars and listen to them talk about sports and hunting and look around at all the mounted animals on the walls and the huge fish tank.  I might even start to feel a bit of a tingle when I knew he was finishing up the guy in front of me, and every time I sat down in that chair and I heard the buzz of the clippers in his hand as it neared my head, I felt that same tingly sensation.  The only thing I can think that it might be is the exchange of energies between certain humans.  Like we were somehow sharing a palpable experience and I was tuned to that particular interchange of energy, of human interaction.  I dunno.  Whatever it is I like it and I'm a bit addicted to it.  Not sure I want to dwell on it longer in blog form, but it's a fascinating feeling and I hope every has it at some point.  Though right before the audition I had also gone to confession so maybe it was a reflection of another higher connection.  Who knows.  Either way I felt it, I still feel it and I like it.

I've had a super busy week as well.  Oh yeah- I now have commercial representation!  That's a big bonus for me, having someone else out there trying to get me work.  Though I've been doing a pretty okay job of it on my own, this may seriously help me pay my bills assuming I keep doing my part of it.  Though I don't want to jump ahead to any conclusions as I did in my callback today.  I've been kicking up all my efforts to a higher level this year and it's really been smiling on me.  I know I haven't written in a long time, and one of my last posts was very negative.  That happens.  It doesn't mean life's been poor or I've been hiding, I've actually been doing well.  I'd love to talk and share more right now, all my meetings and other auditions and whatnot, but I also need food and...you know what? I'm planning on celebrating my week by playing a few hours of Halo4.  So yeah, I work hard, I play hard.

Busy

Times like this don't always come along, so I thought I should share the goodness in my life right now.  I'm super busy, which translates to me being happy.  Literally 30 seconds ago I checked my email to find two new scripts for projects I'm cast in without having to audition for because I've worked with the people on other projects and they liked me.  In fact, over the next two weeks I'll be shooting four separate short films.  They're all student films, and they'll help me fill out my reel and also make the right kind of working relationships I need to be building right now.  Earlier this afternoon I got a call from an indie feature film I auditioned for.  Well, it's for the sizzle reel (short collection of scenes from the film to convince investors everyone knows what they're doing and it's a good investment), and they want me for a good role that's fun to play and pops up through the whole film.  However, I'm not sure I'll be able to do it because I'm be flying out to Florida in two weeks to work on another film.  That's right, I was offered a role but had to say I wasn't sure I could do it since I was already booked on another film.

It's 1:30 am and I just started a pot roast I'm so looking forward to enjoying at lunch tomorrow.  The reason I started it so late is because I didn't get home until after 12:30 from my other semi-acting job.  It's a haunted house, but it's a unique kind of experience and everyone working it are professional actors.  It's called Blackout, I'd attach a link to here or something if I weren't so tired.  So yeah, super busy, super happy.  Thanks for sharing in my journey.

Tonight I accosted Neil Patrick Harris

Well, he signed up for it and signed a waiver saying it's okay, so I guess it was not accosting in the legal sense.

I got a job at a...well...we'll call it a haunted house, but there's no ghosts or anything.  It's called Blackout, they've been doing it in NY for 4 years and this is their first time in LA.  It's a small cast, and it is more of a cast than a crew because there's no monster make-up or any of the normal haunted house things, just creepy situations.  In fact, it's kind of an anti-haunted house.  You have to be over 18 to enter and you have to go through it alone.  Also, you have to do everything you are told and you will be touched by the performers.  In short, it's an intense experience.  There is nudity involved (not me) and all sorts of freaky things.  To give you a hint, my room is a narrow space that only has you, me and a staple gun in it. 

Since I'm not in the right mood to explain this better, I'll just say that NPH went through the house tonight, we stared deeply into each others eyes, he stapled me then I stapled him.  I also felt his chest- he's got super muscles, btw!  Anyway, that was the highlight of the show for me so far...well...I'll call it the highlight because I also have people who leave my room in tears...I'm extra creepy and people buy into the whole experience because...well...there's some real things that go on in there...and some really creepy things too.

If you're in LA, try getting tickets.  I know it's sold out but they might extend the run.  And remember the safe word so you can call it if it's too intense for you.  I know I would not go through it as a patron, it's rough enough being in it.

I have to also say that though there are a lot of screwed up situations within the show, the cast is made up of some great people...if not mildly disturbed, but I would have to be included in that number.

In the words of NPH via twitter:‏@ActuallyNPH Dudes! Just went through Blackout in LA. You must go through it alone! Terrifying, intense, a little horny. I loved it. @NYCHauntedHouse

Quick rundown of recent life events

So I suck at updating on this thing apparently.  It's been a really great last few weeks, I'll just drop the highlights and save the stories for later, I guess.

I've been auditioning like crazy, doing a few student films, I shot a promo for AMC's Fearfest, so you can see me on AMC this month. 

Last week I was an extra on the best show ever made-Arrested Development! I don't want to give any spoilers, but I'll say I was part of one of Gob's illusions...at a wedding.  I also had a great little chat with Alan Tudyk, an amazing actor who's not really recognized for how great he is both as an actor and a human.

I just got cast in the epic haunted house experience Blackout, which has been running in NYC for about 7 or so years and LA for 4 years, still not sure what I'm doing and it scares the crap out of me, which is probably exactly why I'm doing it.

Keeping up with improv, in 401 at UCB, doing some shows at indie venues, generally being kick-ass at life.

Did I already mention the auditioning?  Yeah, doing a bunch of that.  This last weekend I had a shoot scheduled then got offered another shoot I had to turn down then got offered a role in a third shoot also on the same day for something I didn't audition for but the guy was calling me based on another project I auditioned for him.  So yeah, feeling pretty good about myself...now if I could just make some money doing any of this...

That depressing blog where I realize I'm turning into white trash

I'm doing nothing at the moment to feel like I'm successfully being a human. I have drafts of two different scripts I need to go over and rewrite...several times. Though every time I sit down to do that I immediately succumb to weariness and take a nap. Serious. Every time I sit down with either of them, bam!-nap time. I have a hard time sleeping at night. I think it's due to the heat. I am not made for heat and my body refuses to successfully rest in any capacity at night when it gets even a glimpse of the notion it's in nature's oven. That might explain part of the day naps-my lack of night sleeps.

Beyond heat I keep putting things in my body it doesn't like. Namely: food. I'm beyond broke, so I buy all my "food" at the cheapest places around town, and though I love hamburger and sausage, I'm used to eating hamburger from cows I helped raise and butcher and sausage my family made. Now I'm eating the cheap hamburgers where if you microwave them, the parts that should not be in meat get all hard and chewey. And the sausages I'm eating...I really don't know what percentage of them are a meat-like product, but I regularly get bits of bone and cartilage when I bite into them. So yeah, I'm not helping myself there. I feel disgusting inside.

I'm not really working at any sort of job, partly because of my random travel schedule where I'm in and out of LA every couple of weeks for the next 2 months, so since I'm not really working and have all this time to work on my scripts...of course I'm watching movies and TV and eating the cheap ice-cream and drinking pop, which is something I never really did regularly until now-when I feel like a useless human.

Then the guilt. I know that all it would take to make me feel good about myself is to make a schedule and STICK TO IT! I've made a dozen different game plans over the last dozen or so weeks. Not a one of them made it past Wednesday. It turns out that when I'm solely responsible for myself...I am not responsible at all. Classes were nice, I'd like to sign up for a sketch class so I would have a weekly deadline I'd hold myself accountable to. I know I would too, but since I don't have that group of people...movies and TV-and no good sleep at night. And so many noises from my neighbors in the next building! Windows 3 yards away from mine, directly facing me, funneling every noise directly into my brain. Grating.

I didn't mean to bitch, I just meant to say that I know I'm not doing myself any favors by submitting myself to the downward spiral. Hopefully I'm not on it for the full ride, but if I am, then at least there's an account of how one almost normal person can become a self-loathing pile of shame.

How's your day?

City Limits

I've reached my limit for this city. It's so damn noisy everywhere. Someone just moved into the apartment building outside my window with a baby and a dog. That and it's summer and too hot for me. I can't sleep when hot (though I do have a mini ghetto booty that makes me hot, I think you know what I'm talking about). And the stupid people! So many of them! Everywhere! I'm becoming one of them!

I was getting so frustrated at the weather, the noise my computer (which just turned mentally retarded) and everything. I was so happy I'll be heading home to Oregon in two weeks time for a friend's wedding. I also realized that I have a friend coming into town tomorrow. That fact has been slipping in and out of my mind the last couple of weeks. Not sure how much fun I'll make the city seem for her, but perhaps a taste of Oregon will help me keep from killing everyone around me for a couple more weeks. We'll see.

All I know is that my body is still set up solidly for Oregon: its reasonable temperatures (I am sunburned as I type this), and its ability to shut up and let me think once in a while. I'm sure I miss more than those two things, but right now it's pretty darn hard to think bigger than peace, quiet and not sweating in my bed.

So yeah, I'm a big ball of sunshine right now. LA: you broke me...now I break you.

I'll Keep my Eyes Open

When I was about 6, or maybe it was 8 or 10-remembering things from that long ago is not an exact science-I recall a moment I know I will always be chasing, and may never find again.

I was in the backseat of the car, the brown bomber as we called it. It was brown and old, fairly straightforward name. I was shopping with my mom, or rather in the car leaving the parking space, groceries in the back with me. We pulled out of the lot and drove down the road toward home. This was a farther location because we had to get on the highway for a few miles. While cruising along I looked out the window and saw someone looking back at me from another car. A young girl, about my age. We locked eyes and in that moment saw into each other. I had an odd feeling and in my tiny, developing brain some synapses fired and I had the sudden realization "This is the girl I'm going to marry."

Just as suddenly as we connected, our cars separated, hers going off the ramp. I remember us both sitting up in our seats, keeping eye contact for as long as we could; Then it was over. My mom drove us home, we unloaded the car and I played with my Legos, creating worlds to play in.

I still think about that moment. That person. I've been single for a long time and not unhappily so. I wonder how much of me, in every relationship I've been in and will be in, will continue to wonder about that impossible girl. How many times have I seen her, walked past her or barely missed her? Or why my young brain took me in that moment from her eyes to forever and back.

All I can say for sure is that it happened and somewhere out there she exists. Whether she remembers it consciously or subconsciously and if she's married or not and searching. I can only live my life as it comes and remain open to the possibility that once again the old dusty wiring in my brain might make a connection and fire out a second message to when it recognizes who or what I saw over 20 years ago. Until then, I'll just keep my eyes open.