Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Why networking is not working

I know people. I like those people I know. Why do I need to meet more people? Oh, for my career, right.

As an actor, I have to go out and meet people and be seen. Not something I should do, but something I have to do. Every single week, a bunch of actors and major(ish) players in the Portland film community (including the casting director in town) have drinks at the MoHo. Tonight was my first night there. I was surprised to see I knew about a third of the people there. I even liked most of them, which is always a bonus. The problem is when I wonder why I am there. To see people I haven't seen in a while is nice, but I think the reason people go there is to be seen. This is the biggest thing I do not like about actors, we are needy. Yes, we need attention, but these weekly social gatherings make good career sense in that you are seen by your peers or whatever, and you get to know people in the community, so when you walk onto a set or into an audition, you already know a bunch of the other people there. You are in.

I know that it's not who you know, but who knows you that counts in this career, this city, this world. What if I'm just tired of meeting new people? I'm sure I would enjoy them once I got to know them, I am earnestly positive that they are mostly intriguing people, but why do I have to meet them all? I already have too many friends and family to keep track of. I've wanted to catch up with so many people and just not. I feel no urge to go out and meet more people I won't have time to follow up with. I have connections with people I've known since before I could grow facial hair, heck, even before the hair on the top of my head started to recede. Now that's history.

Am I a stick in the mud, an old man who wants to stay where he is comfortable? Yes. I'm okay with that. Should I go out and meet all these people working in the industry, or at least wanting to get further ahead in the industry? Probably, yeah. Would I create a weekly routine where I would catch up with these people on a regular basis? it makes sense.

Flip side of the coin for me is the question of what I want. Do I want to be a Portland actor? I think I do. That's what I say my goal is...but when I analyze my dreams...I really want to be a Hollywood actor. I want to work with my heroes, Mitchell Hurwitz, Joss Whedon, Tina Fey, Will Ferrell, Gus Van Sant...well, that last one was Portland, but he really is a Hollywood director who lives in Portland.

If I am honest, I really want to be a huge-ass fish in a small pond. It is ridiculous. I want to be an LA guy, but I do not want to ever live there. I want fame...which is not something people find in Portland. I guess one reason I find the P-town socials droll is that it's really getting to know the people also stranded on the same island while you are looking across the ocean imaging what wonders lie beyond the horizon. How impossible a dream it is I have. I don't know how to change it. I don't control my dreams, and yet they fuel me. Am I afraid of shrinking my impossible dreams into something based more in reality...Yes. Who wouldn't be? Am I going to do it: acknowledge that I need to climb every step of the ladder? Maybe. Will I hold on to the notion that I can skip a few rungs based on luck, tenacity, ignorance and even more luck? Damn right I will. This is still my adventure.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A good feeling

I felt good for a bit today. Really good. It was nice. I just wanted to acknowledge that. I don't always feel that way. Normally I think a lot and take the rest of me on some guilt-filled journey. I wanted to be thankful for that moment, and I am. Here. Now.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

No and?

I'm having second thoughts about improv. I've wanted to do it for so long, and been learning it off and on for years. Now...I just don't know. I have one more performance left of level 4, then I can officially be done if that's what I want to do. It's not something I want to break up with, though. I love it in theory. It's some sort of magical conjunction of minds turning so much nothing into a brilliant something. Great improv is astounding to see. Even good improv is something to behold. I'm just not sure it's quite right for me. Maybe it's the training, maybe it's the people, maybe it's something I've not thought of yet. Perhaps it's long form, since that's what I've been focusing on lately. Everything about it sounds like me and resonates so loudly with me, so how could it not be a perfect match? It takes story and impulses and a group of people working together as one...I'll just stop right there. I don't really feel that way with my class. I have my reasons. I'm getting angry about this. Odd. I'm stopping right now. This is not something I will "yes."

Monday, April 4, 2011


What makes certain thoughts and words "worthy" of typing? The writer's opinion? Those who, by reading them justify their existence? It's like the tree falling in the woods.

I, like everyone else, have millions of thoughts. Are all of them worth putting out into the world? Yes and no. Yes, they have value, but they're not all equal. I started this blog to find out what they are about since I consciously avoided blogs prior to this. I don't think I'm any closer now. That's my thought for now.