A good feeling

I felt good for a bit today. Really good. It was nice. I just wanted to acknowledge that. I don't always feel that way. Normally I think a lot and take the rest of me on some guilt-filled journey. I wanted to be thankful for that moment, and I am. Here. Now.

The power of a name

To name something is to take away its power.

Rumpelstiltskin. The Doctor's real name. Awkward moment. Irrational anger. Fear.

I have a hard time remembering names, even the names of people I've known forever or see every day, I still forget their names sometimes.

My mom talked to me about how some people say things that she doesn't like, the kind of things I hear people say and feel angry about. What does one do in that situation? How is it resolved? Ignoring it? Probably not the best option, that leads to festering. Name the effect in your own head? Acknowledging anger helps, but isn't that more like a symptom of something else? Name what just happened that led to the feeling? That one is usually difficult. Saying how negative someone else is being, it puts both the other person on the spot, and you in the fire. Though when you name it properly and justly, can the fire really burn you? Does the same angel protect you who protected Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego?

Maybe she will if you know her name. Maybe she sees that you know it in your heart.

Either way, the thing that was named has become a fixed point, and lost its ability to follow and lead you in quite the same way. Nailing a moment or feeling down with its own name; I am willing to call that power.

Only the good die young

I miss liking some shows. I remember when 30 Rock started, it...well, it 30 rocked. It was not long after the mourning began over Arrested Development's untimely demise, so it was the closest thing to fill that viewing gap. Every season it improved and got better and better. Last season it was perfect, and continued to be so until the last two episodes. It forgot to tell me that it was keeping its momentum and growing. It got, dare I say, too silly for me. It may be nostalgia, but I remember it taking the characters seriously and giving them room to grow. Now it feels too static, yet feeling the need to keep pushing those boundaries. I guess my lines are drawn in the sand, and it pushed right through them, leaving me here on the beach wondering how I got here. I'll keep watching it, but I know they'll keep pushing the world so far into the ridiculous that I'll lose all connection with it.

Same with The Guild. It wasn't that great to begin with, but I loved the idea of it so much that I supported it (bought season 1 and 2 on DVD out of solidarity). Then season 3 came and with it a rival guild with characters cut from...I dunno, some gothic cereal box, I'm sure. Characters who would never exist as real people, then it kept going and I stopped watching it. It outgrew me.

Maybe that's why I still love Arrested Development, it widowed me, and now all I have is the memory of the good times, and they were all good times. We never had the chance to grow apart. Same with Firefly and the tenth doctor. All my truest loves died young. What am I supposed to do?

I think that's me. I love the heart of things, where they come from. I find that the first albums by bands are my favorite (Cake's Motorcade of Generosity is by far my favorite of theirs, and Weezer Blue is one of my top albums of all time). I think it might be because those are the songs they spent years perfecting, that truly speak from where they come from, before record deals allowed them to create more in shorter periods of time and they attain the lifestyle they always dreamed of, which somehow stunts them in the way that they can live solely in their own worlds. Maybe that's just the story I made up to justify it.

I think my approach to all this is to create something myself and follow its growth and change. Thing about kids, you kind of know what they'll be like when they grow up, but you're never really the one who chooses it for them. Kids grow and change and become bigger versions of themselves until life events happen and they make choices and adjust accordingly. Where will this baby take me? Probably far from where I started, unless it dies young. That's the journey.