It's what people do

I realized that when I journaled (technically I still do, I just haven't in probably almost a year), I mostly did it when I was feeling more stress, or had a moment of time. I'm following the same pattern with blogging. Now I just "don't have the time" though I make the time for other things, but stuff is also going pretty well (for the moment, at least). I've got a full schedule making things come together, or at least nudging them along, so I feel a much smaller need to blog, because I don't really need reassurance. Journaling and blogging are different kinds of prayer for me, I think. They help me state in writing what's going on, and I usually end with some statement of encouragement. I suppose that's what most people do with religion. When things are going well, they figure they do not need it or God, and when things go wrong, well, I think every single person has prayed to God (or their version of a diety) in times of peril and crisis. Maybe I'm just a normal person in that regard. There I am.

Time and compulsion

Still trying to figure out how I can say yes to one thing and not say no to another. For a while there I said yes to most everything, but that burned me out, so now I am more selective. This gives me more "free" time, but I also feel like I am missing out on things, which is true. I think I even felt that before, but I have more time to feel it now.

I watched a program on savants on the Science channel. They have this compulsion in their brain that they cannot turn off. I do sometimes wish I had that so I would be compelled to write and create, but I am very glad I have the ability to turn it off. An uncontrollable obsession is not something I desire...that much.

I want to take a few more classes in different things, but I am focusing myself (instead of saying limiting myself) to two things outside of work; writing and improv. Other acting is mildly on hold...or at least limited, and though I see workshops on producing and other things I would like to learn, I have to say no to them if I want to keep my sanity.

Yep. I'm complaining about wanting to do more things. In all honesty, I think this blog is an excuse to not write, which is really what the rest of life is for writers. Even for Russel T. Davies (former showrunner for the new Doctor Who). At least I'm in good company. The question for me now is: how do I up the pressure to write without overtaxing myself? That's my next lesson in self control/motivation. I am open to suggestion (and threats if necessary).

Letters

I don't write letters anymore. By that I just mean I haven't written one in quite a while, maybe almost a year or so. I used to write them more.

I wrote one to Stephen Speilberg letting him know he should remember my name because I have big plans, and once they are achieved, he will be very impressed. I wrote a letter to the woman who did the voice of Cortana in the Halo video game series after seeing her in a play in Portland. I said "I was pleasantly surprised to see Cortana playing Elizabeth Bennet."

Yep, I'm a silly little boy at times.

In addition to letters telling people to remember my name because I am going to be big someday, I also wrote letters telling people to remember my name because I wanted them to have it. Love letters. I miss writing those, or maybe the excuse to write them...or just everything about them.

There's something powerful behind writing down words, especially by hand. Maybe it's the whole real world part of it, or the fact that it cannot be deleted, or the other fact that very few things in the real world show evidence of being touched by a human, especially people.

Maybe it's the idea that all that time and physical effort, although it's generally simple, has a very specific audience of one person. Emails can be copied and sent like nothing, and blogs...well, not that more than a dozen people have ever glanced over mine, but it's not very personal to anyone other than myself. A letter though, is a private work, generally a labor of love in some form, which is a special kind of special that only seems rare to those who don't see it often enough. --I think that's where we all are right now.