My most embarrasing moment - on tape

I just watched the most embarrassing thing I've ever done (repeatedly in front of a crowd).

It was 2005, my bonus semester at Pacific University. I loved dancing, and I still do, and for some reason I had it in my mind that I wanted to choreograph a dance number for the autumn dance recital. Normally this is reserved for real dancers, ones who have actually studied. I had taken ballroom, swing and salsa, and ventured into courses in jazz and ballet, but I can by no means say I was good at any of them. I was bent on doing a musical piece that I knew would probably be terrible, but that excited and fueled me even more.

I love Weezer, and I fully believe that the blue album is one of the top 5 best albums of all time. As usual when it comes to things I end up adoring, I was formally introduced to the musical stylings of Weezer by a cute blonde girl. On one of their less appreciated albums there is a song "Hold Me." Listening to it I could visualize a story I wanted to tell in dance and movement. It would have a man and a woman, the two dancing separately for most of the song, enticing the other until the end when they come together. It was much like a movie where the guy and the girl metaphorically dance around each other until the end when they realize they are perfect for each other. I wanted to choreograph my half and have a girl choreograph her half and we would collaborate on merging our styles for the end of the piece. I had the girl in mind (a different blonde girl from the one who introduced me to Weezer). She was--and is very much still--an incredible dancer, and a wonderful, brilliant person. I approached her with the notion of collaborating on the dance piece. She said yes. We were both excited about it. Perfect start!

We met together in the dance studio several times working out the story of the piece, but after a few rehearsals, we came to heads about the choreography. Us choreographing our own bits was not gelling with her as she wanted one person to give the piece an over-arching style. My dream of having two wildly separate styles and pairing them might have been a bit of a fools dream, and I am always that fool. When we realized it wouldn't work out since neither of us wanted to hand over the reigns entirely to the other, we broke up as a dancing team. This was honestly one of the hardest break-ups for me, because I knew there was a lot of creative potential going to waste...and we were in no way a couple, but that did not make it any less of a break-up for either of us.

I wanted to forge ahead, and being a headstrong taurean, I wanted to keep the interplay of male and female energy, but I had no other person. My solution-I would do both myself. Solo piece! I kept rehearsing both parts, trying to give each a different energy and I designed a costume. Having access to the theatre's sewing room, I spliced together a skirt and frilly shirt for the left half and a men's shirt for the right half. In my dance, the right side would be male and have more angular movement and my left side would be female and have a softer, more fluid quality. My former dance partner still worked with me, but in ad advisory position guiding me along the way.

For the end of the song when the male and female energies merge, I kind of entered a frenetic spin where I ripped off the outer costume (I sewed velcro into the dress and shirts), revealing a white shirt underneath with my black dance pants. I then pranced about as a whole person embodying these two separate energies. Looking back, that must have been my idea of what a true relationship is. Sometimes I'm way too much of a romantic for my own good.

What brought this back into my life was a search for things I have done in the past to mine for comedy now. I did not have a copy of this performance (probably for the best), so I asked a friend who works at the college to track it down for me. She worked fast and a couple days later, here I am in my apartment watching myself prance about the stage almost 7 years ago.

It's not a long song, but by the end of watching it I was so embarrassed about my performance that I was sweating. It was almost a fear sweat from all the shame and excitement of seeing this kid--me--make a fool of himself. The reason it effected me so much is not because it was ridiculous, though it was. It's because I really meant it. The whole piece came from a deeply sincere place. When I performed it, I remember both enjoying the fact that people were entertained enough to laugh at it, but also feeling confused and hurt as to why, since it was a serious piece at heart. That one instance of putting my soul out on a limb taught me two things: 1. If you are a funny person, people expect everything you do to be funny, so be prepared to be laughed at for everything, and 2. Real pain is the true source of comedy.

I'm not saying I'm a clown with a tear running down my cheek, but I guess I did achieve what I set out to do. I performed in the dance recital with the most vulnerable performance of my life at that time. I entertained and expressed myself fully. I now have video proof that I am an idiot adventurer. Even though I am ultimately embarrassed at watching myself prance about the stage putting my heart into every awkward move, I have a little bit of pride in knowing that it was pure and a sincere performance. That doesn't mean I'll be sharing this video anytime soon.

TV times 3V! (The "V" is for Vinnie...or victory...Vinctory?)

You know the exterior of the city hall they use in Parks and Recreation? Well it's the city hall building in Pasadena. Walking past it one day I stopped and went "huh" recognizing it from the best show currently on TV. Here is photographic evidence:

I was very excited to pretend like I'm a proud native of Pawnee.

After this discovery, yesterday I had a private meeting with an acting coach who is known for his work in comedy. In fact he wrote the book on comedy. Literally. I bought it and am reading it now. Anyway, he had me do some cold reads and said that was what I was meant to do and that I am here at the right time now that comedy is making a great new come-back and I should take his words with great value since he wrote the book on comedy. So I felt like expanding my ego a tiny bit. Living down here I can use all the excuses for false modesty I can get.

Tonight was a very special time. I attended a live taping of Tim Allen's new show Last Man Standing. It was my first live taping ever. It was fascinating. Not just because I sat next to an Australian girl (not super impressed since I'm pseudo-kiwi myself, but nice just the same), but because I really dug Home Improvement. This show is basically the same thing, but instead of three boys he has three girls and works at an outdoor store instead of a tool show. Other than that, same deal.

It was great to see how quickly everything moves in TV and how lines change. It really is like a play, but it is also not at all like a play in the way that it took over four hours to film 22 minutes of TV time. Overall I was very satisfied with the process. There was a great comedian who kept us entertained throughout the performance and a DJ that kept things upbeat as well. The biggest thing was laughing when I was supposed to. If anyone has performed with me in the audience, you know it takes a bit for me to laugh. Tonight I did have some earnest laughter. I had a lot more laughter out of appreciation and respect because I knew the joke was funny even though I heard it three times already, but it was kind of part of the unwritten contract between audience and performers in a case like that.

Another great surprise was when I realized that my favorite newest actress is on the show, so I got to see her perform as well. Kaitlyn Dever. She was the little girl on Justified and the youngest daughter on Last Man Standing and also the little girl in Bad Teacher (the WORST movie with the BEST cast). Based solely on her performance on Justified, I know that she is seriously going places, and I am so happy to see her next to Tim Allen. She is a truly great actor and I look forward to seeing where her career takes her. Here's a short interview with her. Read it.

Enough gushing about an actor 1/3 my age with 10 times the talent and drive.

Here is a pic Jack took of me on the set of 513. Nothing super exciting...unless you like awkward thinning men in uniform.