How to feel like an ass without even trying: A way of life

Sometimes I am terrible at being a person. This is an email I wrote to a friend immediately after I got back to my apartment last night in a freak-out. Some details you should know first:

-D.L. stands for Diamond Lion, a musical improv group I go to every Friday with two of my improv friends, one of whom this email was sent to.
-This night I went alone to the show.
-Mike is our improv team coach and member of D.L.
-Eliza is a founder/member of D.L. and someone I have a mind-crush on because she's so friggin' hilarious and good at being funny/witty.

The email as it was sent:

GAH! So I am not allowed to go to a D.L. show alone, nor can I sit in the front row ever again. This is the long story of why:

After the show I left and started to head back to my apartment, but as I crossed the street I remembered Mike's words that I (meaning you, Chris and I) should hang out with all of them after the show sometime. I stopped and let my phone decide my fate for the night . Afterall, it is a SMART phone, so it should know best. I used the dice app, which three out of three times said I should go be brave and be social. That was bad choice #1.

Everything that follows is bad choice #2.

I turned around and waited outside the theater where I saw a few people I recognized from different shows. There were more performers watching D.L. than usual. The guest was some comedian I remember from somewhere as well, but I forget exactly. There was one of the cast members of the office hanging out there too. Mike wasn't out yet and I didn't want to embarrass myself so I went into that new bar right next door, waited outside the bathroom for a few minutes until I realized it was free and I'm just an idiot. Afterward I waited nearish the bar pretending like I was thinking of what I wanted to order.

I then went back outside and saw Mike (yay) with a couple other people. I greeted him, he introduced me to one of his friends, we talked for a minute before they all started migrating to La Poubelle. Mike's friend went to go check on his car so I followed Mike (the only person who knew me) who was talking to the other lady from D.L. The one that's not Eliza. At La Poubelle I held the door open for a few other people, one of which was a great improv guy I've seen in a bunch of shows and he teaches at Second City, he asked if we'd met before and I made some lame, awkward response, we shook hands before he scurried away from me.

This is where shit gets real!

La Poubelle is standing room only and full of real comedians. Like ones I've seen on TV, they must have been from that comedy show earlier in the evening. Moving my way through the crowd I brush past Stephen Merchant. Stephen Merchant! Co-creator of the original Office, and every other thing Ricky Gervais has done! Wow!

I basically moved slowly and awkwardly by groups of overwhelmingly talented people towards the back of the restaurant. There in a semi circle, next to Eugene who was talking to some guy, there was a people-sized space and--you guessed it--Eliza Skinner was talking to another improv guy, one of the people who I kind of "met" at the cafe the other day with Mike.

I thought that was the perfect set-up. I knew Mike was in line for the restroom and I couldn't stand creepily alone any longer...so I sauntered over to the group that I had the best shot with and incorporated myself into that circle. I couldn't have been creepier if I tried. Eugene was too deep in conversation with the other guy to notice me and Eliza had her back to me...but the people she was talking to gave me strong looks of "um...why are you creeping here you creeper?" It didn't help that I was doing and saying nothing. Their conversation stopped and Eliza turned around and smiled at me...an awkward smile of "what are you?" I smiled and said "I liked the show." She thanked me. We stared. I continued with "I go to a lot of them, I really enjoy it, it's one of my favorites." She smiled and thanked me politely. I kept standing there feeling the awkwardness compound uncontrollably. Staring. Pressure. I blurted "I know Mike, he's my coach...and Eugene is my...uh...my 301 teacher."

Eliza's smile was even more forcibly polite, "yep, there's a lot of teachers in the group." I continued to stand as painfully awkward as anyone can.

I thought I'd name my thought, so I said "I'm feeling really awkward I don't know how to end this conversation."

Eliza said we could say our names, so we shook hands and said our names. Then continued to smile politely. In silence. I could not stop my brain or my mouth. "Yeah, I enjoy the stuff, this is really awkward. I don't know how to make it stop, so....yep...I should go now. Bye." At this point my brain hit the abort button and I just walked straight through the bar, past Stephen Merchant, the guy from the American Office and all the other people from TV and back into the night air where I mentally beat myself up all the way back to my apartment.

So yeah, from now on I'm not operating without wingmen...and I can no longer sit in the front row. Ever.

--
Vinnie Duyck

TV times 3V! (The "V" is for Vinnie...or victory...Vinctory?)

You know the exterior of the city hall they use in Parks and Recreation? Well it's the city hall building in Pasadena. Walking past it one day I stopped and went "huh" recognizing it from the best show currently on TV. Here is photographic evidence:

I was very excited to pretend like I'm a proud native of Pawnee.

After this discovery, yesterday I had a private meeting with an acting coach who is known for his work in comedy. In fact he wrote the book on comedy. Literally. I bought it and am reading it now. Anyway, he had me do some cold reads and said that was what I was meant to do and that I am here at the right time now that comedy is making a great new come-back and I should take his words with great value since he wrote the book on comedy. So I felt like expanding my ego a tiny bit. Living down here I can use all the excuses for false modesty I can get.

Tonight was a very special time. I attended a live taping of Tim Allen's new show Last Man Standing. It was my first live taping ever. It was fascinating. Not just because I sat next to an Australian girl (not super impressed since I'm pseudo-kiwi myself, but nice just the same), but because I really dug Home Improvement. This show is basically the same thing, but instead of three boys he has three girls and works at an outdoor store instead of a tool show. Other than that, same deal.

It was great to see how quickly everything moves in TV and how lines change. It really is like a play, but it is also not at all like a play in the way that it took over four hours to film 22 minutes of TV time. Overall I was very satisfied with the process. There was a great comedian who kept us entertained throughout the performance and a DJ that kept things upbeat as well. The biggest thing was laughing when I was supposed to. If anyone has performed with me in the audience, you know it takes a bit for me to laugh. Tonight I did have some earnest laughter. I had a lot more laughter out of appreciation and respect because I knew the joke was funny even though I heard it three times already, but it was kind of part of the unwritten contract between audience and performers in a case like that.

Another great surprise was when I realized that my favorite newest actress is on the show, so I got to see her perform as well. Kaitlyn Dever. She was the little girl on Justified and the youngest daughter on Last Man Standing and also the little girl in Bad Teacher (the WORST movie with the BEST cast). Based solely on her performance on Justified, I know that she is seriously going places, and I am so happy to see her next to Tim Allen. She is a truly great actor and I look forward to seeing where her career takes her. Here's a short interview with her. Read it.

Enough gushing about an actor 1/3 my age with 10 times the talent and drive.

Here is a pic Jack took of me on the set of 513. Nothing super exciting...unless you like awkward thinning men in uniform.