Busy

Times like this don't always come along, so I thought I should share the goodness in my life right now.  I'm super busy, which translates to me being happy.  Literally 30 seconds ago I checked my email to find two new scripts for projects I'm cast in without having to audition for because I've worked with the people on other projects and they liked me.  In fact, over the next two weeks I'll be shooting four separate short films.  They're all student films, and they'll help me fill out my reel and also make the right kind of working relationships I need to be building right now.  Earlier this afternoon I got a call from an indie feature film I auditioned for.  Well, it's for the sizzle reel (short collection of scenes from the film to convince investors everyone knows what they're doing and it's a good investment), and they want me for a good role that's fun to play and pops up through the whole film.  However, I'm not sure I'll be able to do it because I'm be flying out to Florida in two weeks to work on another film.  That's right, I was offered a role but had to say I wasn't sure I could do it since I was already booked on another film.

It's 1:30 am and I just started a pot roast I'm so looking forward to enjoying at lunch tomorrow.  The reason I started it so late is because I didn't get home until after 12:30 from my other semi-acting job.  It's a haunted house, but it's a unique kind of experience and everyone working it are professional actors.  It's called Blackout, I'd attach a link to here or something if I weren't so tired.  So yeah, super busy, super happy.  Thanks for sharing in my journey.

Tonight I accosted Neil Patrick Harris

Well, he signed up for it and signed a waiver saying it's okay, so I guess it was not accosting in the legal sense.

I got a job at a...well...we'll call it a haunted house, but there's no ghosts or anything.  It's called Blackout, they've been doing it in NY for 4 years and this is their first time in LA.  It's a small cast, and it is more of a cast than a crew because there's no monster make-up or any of the normal haunted house things, just creepy situations.  In fact, it's kind of an anti-haunted house.  You have to be over 18 to enter and you have to go through it alone.  Also, you have to do everything you are told and you will be touched by the performers.  In short, it's an intense experience.  There is nudity involved (not me) and all sorts of freaky things.  To give you a hint, my room is a narrow space that only has you, me and a staple gun in it. 

Since I'm not in the right mood to explain this better, I'll just say that NPH went through the house tonight, we stared deeply into each others eyes, he stapled me then I stapled him.  I also felt his chest- he's got super muscles, btw!  Anyway, that was the highlight of the show for me so far...well...I'll call it the highlight because I also have people who leave my room in tears...I'm extra creepy and people buy into the whole experience because...well...there's some real things that go on in there...and some really creepy things too.

If you're in LA, try getting tickets.  I know it's sold out but they might extend the run.  And remember the safe word so you can call it if it's too intense for you.  I know I would not go through it as a patron, it's rough enough being in it.

I have to also say that though there are a lot of screwed up situations within the show, the cast is made up of some great people...if not mildly disturbed, but I would have to be included in that number.

In the words of NPH via twitter:‏@ActuallyNPH Dudes! Just went through Blackout in LA. You must go through it alone! Terrifying, intense, a little horny. I loved it. @NYCHauntedHouse

Quick rundown of recent life events

So I suck at updating on this thing apparently.  It's been a really great last few weeks, I'll just drop the highlights and save the stories for later, I guess.

I've been auditioning like crazy, doing a few student films, I shot a promo for AMC's Fearfest, so you can see me on AMC this month. 

Last week I was an extra on the best show ever made-Arrested Development! I don't want to give any spoilers, but I'll say I was part of one of Gob's illusions...at a wedding.  I also had a great little chat with Alan Tudyk, an amazing actor who's not really recognized for how great he is both as an actor and a human.

I just got cast in the epic haunted house experience Blackout, which has been running in NYC for about 7 or so years and LA for 4 years, still not sure what I'm doing and it scares the crap out of me, which is probably exactly why I'm doing it.

Keeping up with improv, in 401 at UCB, doing some shows at indie venues, generally being kick-ass at life.

Did I already mention the auditioning?  Yeah, doing a bunch of that.  This last weekend I had a shoot scheduled then got offered another shoot I had to turn down then got offered a role in a third shoot also on the same day for something I didn't audition for but the guy was calling me based on another project I auditioned for him.  So yeah, feeling pretty good about myself...now if I could just make some money doing any of this...

That depressing blog where I realize I'm turning into white trash

I'm doing nothing at the moment to feel like I'm successfully being a human. I have drafts of two different scripts I need to go over and rewrite...several times. Though every time I sit down to do that I immediately succumb to weariness and take a nap. Serious. Every time I sit down with either of them, bam!-nap time. I have a hard time sleeping at night. I think it's due to the heat. I am not made for heat and my body refuses to successfully rest in any capacity at night when it gets even a glimpse of the notion it's in nature's oven. That might explain part of the day naps-my lack of night sleeps.

Beyond heat I keep putting things in my body it doesn't like. Namely: food. I'm beyond broke, so I buy all my "food" at the cheapest places around town, and though I love hamburger and sausage, I'm used to eating hamburger from cows I helped raise and butcher and sausage my family made. Now I'm eating the cheap hamburgers where if you microwave them, the parts that should not be in meat get all hard and chewey. And the sausages I'm eating...I really don't know what percentage of them are a meat-like product, but I regularly get bits of bone and cartilage when I bite into them. So yeah, I'm not helping myself there. I feel disgusting inside.

I'm not really working at any sort of job, partly because of my random travel schedule where I'm in and out of LA every couple of weeks for the next 2 months, so since I'm not really working and have all this time to work on my scripts...of course I'm watching movies and TV and eating the cheap ice-cream and drinking pop, which is something I never really did regularly until now-when I feel like a useless human.

Then the guilt. I know that all it would take to make me feel good about myself is to make a schedule and STICK TO IT! I've made a dozen different game plans over the last dozen or so weeks. Not a one of them made it past Wednesday. It turns out that when I'm solely responsible for myself...I am not responsible at all. Classes were nice, I'd like to sign up for a sketch class so I would have a weekly deadline I'd hold myself accountable to. I know I would too, but since I don't have that group of people...movies and TV-and no good sleep at night. And so many noises from my neighbors in the next building! Windows 3 yards away from mine, directly facing me, funneling every noise directly into my brain. Grating.

I didn't mean to bitch, I just meant to say that I know I'm not doing myself any favors by submitting myself to the downward spiral. Hopefully I'm not on it for the full ride, but if I am, then at least there's an account of how one almost normal person can become a self-loathing pile of shame.

How's your day?

City Limits

I've reached my limit for this city. It's so damn noisy everywhere. Someone just moved into the apartment building outside my window with a baby and a dog. That and it's summer and too hot for me. I can't sleep when hot (though I do have a mini ghetto booty that makes me hot, I think you know what I'm talking about). And the stupid people! So many of them! Everywhere! I'm becoming one of them!

I was getting so frustrated at the weather, the noise my computer (which just turned mentally retarded) and everything. I was so happy I'll be heading home to Oregon in two weeks time for a friend's wedding. I also realized that I have a friend coming into town tomorrow. That fact has been slipping in and out of my mind the last couple of weeks. Not sure how much fun I'll make the city seem for her, but perhaps a taste of Oregon will help me keep from killing everyone around me for a couple more weeks. We'll see.

All I know is that my body is still set up solidly for Oregon: its reasonable temperatures (I am sunburned as I type this), and its ability to shut up and let me think once in a while. I'm sure I miss more than those two things, but right now it's pretty darn hard to think bigger than peace, quiet and not sweating in my bed.

So yeah, I'm a big ball of sunshine right now. LA: you broke me...now I break you.

I'll Keep my Eyes Open

When I was about 6, or maybe it was 8 or 10-remembering things from that long ago is not an exact science-I recall a moment I know I will always be chasing, and may never find again.

I was in the backseat of the car, the brown bomber as we called it. It was brown and old, fairly straightforward name. I was shopping with my mom, or rather in the car leaving the parking space, groceries in the back with me. We pulled out of the lot and drove down the road toward home. This was a farther location because we had to get on the highway for a few miles. While cruising along I looked out the window and saw someone looking back at me from another car. A young girl, about my age. We locked eyes and in that moment saw into each other. I had an odd feeling and in my tiny, developing brain some synapses fired and I had the sudden realization "This is the girl I'm going to marry."

Just as suddenly as we connected, our cars separated, hers going off the ramp. I remember us both sitting up in our seats, keeping eye contact for as long as we could; Then it was over. My mom drove us home, we unloaded the car and I played with my Legos, creating worlds to play in.

I still think about that moment. That person. I've been single for a long time and not unhappily so. I wonder how much of me, in every relationship I've been in and will be in, will continue to wonder about that impossible girl. How many times have I seen her, walked past her or barely missed her? Or why my young brain took me in that moment from her eyes to forever and back.

All I can say for sure is that it happened and somewhere out there she exists. Whether she remembers it consciously or subconsciously and if she's married or not and searching. I can only live my life as it comes and remain open to the possibility that once again the old dusty wiring in my brain might make a connection and fire out a second message to when it recognizes who or what I saw over 20 years ago. Until then, I'll just keep my eyes open.

Getting a job, missing a show and buying a shirt

Oh my crapping gosh, why do I always dive right into the deep end? When will I learn I hate getting my head wet after I'm already in freefall?

Today I went from unemployed to possibly over-busy, at least for tomorrow.

I emailed a guy, from reference of a friend from one of my acting classes, about a job as catering waitstaff. It should be interesting. Man, I wish I had the energy to keep telling the story of my day. I'll just have to shut up and power through.

Basically, I'm not working for a company, I'm a private contractor (professional waiter, apparently), and this guy pimps me out to whoever needs help. He first signed me up for a thing tomorrow night at a prestigious guild here in Hollywood (let's say it involves people who direct things), just clearing drinks and stuff at a poker tournament at the Guild HQ. Then I'm told my black shirt isn't black enough, it has subtle lines and I need a complete black shirt without even a hint of a pattern. So I went to 3 different Ross stores, 2 Targets, a used clothing place and K-Mart to no avail before I broke down and went to Nordstroms at The Grove. There he gave me two options of black shirt, sans pattern, one for $90 and the other for $95. NRRTS! He got the $90 one for me in my size and I cried a little, then asked if there was anything else. He said he had a single shirt in the back from another style and would check. Turns out it was a solid black shirt, no subtle lines, it was in my neck size, sleeve size and also a slim fit, so now I own a $60 black shirt I'll be wearing while I buss tables.

I was also supposed to see a friend's show at IOWest at 11:30...the idea of getting up at 4:30am after seeing an 11:30pm show is not the best, but I wanted to support so I went out (I decided to drive so I would be in bed sooner after the show), and on the way there were tons of police cars and motorcycles and they shut down traffic, so I was sitting at Hollywood/Vine and watched a sea of bicyclists shoot past in the other lane. Some sort of fancy bicycle parade on Hollywood Blvd at 11pm on a Friday night. This is where I live now...not too different from Portland, just with more people who honk their horns. After circling the block of the theatre and seeing a tow truck hauling a car whose alarm would not stop, being generally overwhelmed by the amount of people surrounding me and realizing I need some sleep if I'm supposed to look impeccable and serve rich people things tomorrow. That and I bought an iron...I think I mentioned that. Now I kind of wish I also had an ironing board...but the carpet isn't THAT bad.

In the morning I wear a white shirt and black bow tie, oh, and I'm also supposed to have a small wine opener with me...which I don't have, so we'll see how that goes. In the afternoon/evening I'm in all black with my new full length bistro apron. I can't complain...yet, anyway. I haven't lived tomorrow yet (though it's minutes away from starting). Let's see how I do