Bite size nuggets of self-helptual inspirationality.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough
I am happy. I had a terrible improv night. And I am happy about it. It started out sucking, got a little better, had a couple small moments, never really rose to something more. I am mostly happy because I stayed in it and pushed through, found some nice discoveries and had help from my fellow improvisers. This is a failure I'm happy about because I didn't give up on it. I think I learned something...I wonder what it is.
Friday, March 18, 2011
The news really is
I don't really watch the news that often, or ever, really. I do listen to NPR on occassion and sometimes BBC News on TV. Nor do I like politics that much. Something strange has been happening to me lately, putting my routine into question. A while ago the first of the protests in the middle east caught my attention and I found myself really listening to what was going on. I went out of my way to listen to up-to-the-minute updates on the radio. I heard a man talk about how he thought the peaceful protest would turn violent in a few hours, right before it did just that. I felt so much a part of this history that was happening so far away from me as a person.
Then the earthquake and loss of life in New Zealand. I lived in that country for a year and a half, and this city I remember was in ruins, many dead. This too caught me up in it.
Now, it's Japan. First the earthquake immediately followed by the terrible tsunami, washing people away into the unknown. Human lives, then the nuclear reactor, the partial meltdown and the lives. So many human lives are lost, and will be lost. The originally 250 people working to stabilize the multi-failing reactors, reduced to a skeleton crew of 50 people, who knowingly remained, offering their own lives as forfeit to save the lives of countless others. Those men will surely die from the radiation poisoning. They are giving their lives. As you can tell, this has swept me along with it.
These people, these individuals all across the world, their stories effected me in a way I was not aware I could be moved. This is real, and happening now. This must be why people read the news, because it involves real people, just like them, just like me, just like you. All living their own lives, and then something happens and they must continue to live, even if that means dying.
I really do not know what this all means, not that I'm following a double rainbow right now, but for me, the reality that the news is truly about real people and not numbers has floored me over the past two months. I now want to be a truly informed citizen of the world.
Let's see how long that lasts.
Then the earthquake and loss of life in New Zealand. I lived in that country for a year and a half, and this city I remember was in ruins, many dead. This too caught me up in it.
Now, it's Japan. First the earthquake immediately followed by the terrible tsunami, washing people away into the unknown. Human lives, then the nuclear reactor, the partial meltdown and the lives. So many human lives are lost, and will be lost. The originally 250 people working to stabilize the multi-failing reactors, reduced to a skeleton crew of 50 people, who knowingly remained, offering their own lives as forfeit to save the lives of countless others. Those men will surely die from the radiation poisoning. They are giving their lives. As you can tell, this has swept me along with it.
These people, these individuals all across the world, their stories effected me in a way I was not aware I could be moved. This is real, and happening now. This must be why people read the news, because it involves real people, just like them, just like me, just like you. All living their own lives, and then something happens and they must continue to live, even if that means dying.
I really do not know what this all means, not that I'm following a double rainbow right now, but for me, the reality that the news is truly about real people and not numbers has floored me over the past two months. I now want to be a truly informed citizen of the world.
Let's see how long that lasts.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I chose...poorly
Crap. That feeling where my eyes are yelling at my face that they are so tired, but my stomach is yelling at my decision-maker for choosing Arby's and root beer for dinner instead of real food. Body parts rebelling against each other. Nobody wins.
I knew better than to eat so bad (it's just what Arbys does to me), but also not to eat so late, 7pm, I think. Late for food, and way too late for pop. Why is it that I make these choices even though I know I won't like the consequences? Now that's a question. It's not an addiction, but when the singular event is analyzed against a single choice by an addict, they aren't that dissimilar. I don't repeat it often, but I do repeat it. Maybe it's a guy thing, eating bad things regardless of the known consequences. My thought is that it's more of a human thing. What tastes better than the imagination and memory of some forbidden fruit. The lure of an idea. Some ideas flourish when they are made real, others give you upset tummies and angry bodies.
When will I finally learn?
I knew better than to eat so bad (it's just what Arbys does to me), but also not to eat so late, 7pm, I think. Late for food, and way too late for pop. Why is it that I make these choices even though I know I won't like the consequences? Now that's a question. It's not an addiction, but when the singular event is analyzed against a single choice by an addict, they aren't that dissimilar. I don't repeat it often, but I do repeat it. Maybe it's a guy thing, eating bad things regardless of the known consequences. My thought is that it's more of a human thing. What tastes better than the imagination and memory of some forbidden fruit. The lure of an idea. Some ideas flourish when they are made real, others give you upset tummies and angry bodies.
When will I finally learn?
Worth
What's it worth?
When an opportunity for work crops up on one of the acting forums in Portland, I always know the first bulk response (because everyone responds to all, so that we can all benefit from the knowledge...it gets a bit much); what's the pay?
About every other month there is a huge strand of conversation devoted to being paid as an actor or not. For me, I'm starting out and building my reel. Turns out I need to have done stuff so I can do bigger stuff. Makes sense. For this reason I do check what's going on and if something interests me, I find out more information. I've found a few neat projects through this method. The question is, why is it okay for me to be expected to do work without pay? Do people expect this from plumbers? I graduated from a two-year professional actor training program, which is the metaphorical equivalent of trade school. Do you hire an electrician who just graduated and have him rewire your house so he can build his resume?
I think the issue is that every a) thinks they can act, and b) knows about acting. Everyone sees movies or watches TV, and they all have opinions about that. Few people watch house painters and say that looks so glamorous, I want to do that too. Is that what I'm saying? Market saturation? That sounds silly. Scratch that one.
I guess it is a big issue. It means being respected or not. If I am expected to work without compensation, then I must have very little intrinsic value. However, I can't demand pay when people can get someone else so easily (even if I am more qualified or not). This is a strange career to be in. I want to talk more about this, but I have to leave so I can drive for an hour and a half to get the the set where I am filming an unpaid student project.
I like the concept and I like the part. It's small, but it will look good in my reel. It's a new concept for me, to be building the foundation of my career on the cheapest bricks with plans of increasing the worth of every layer I add.
When an opportunity for work crops up on one of the acting forums in Portland, I always know the first bulk response (because everyone responds to all, so that we can all benefit from the knowledge...it gets a bit much); what's the pay?
About every other month there is a huge strand of conversation devoted to being paid as an actor or not. For me, I'm starting out and building my reel. Turns out I need to have done stuff so I can do bigger stuff. Makes sense. For this reason I do check what's going on and if something interests me, I find out more information. I've found a few neat projects through this method. The question is, why is it okay for me to be expected to do work without pay? Do people expect this from plumbers? I graduated from a two-year professional actor training program, which is the metaphorical equivalent of trade school. Do you hire an electrician who just graduated and have him rewire your house so he can build his resume?
I think the issue is that every a) thinks they can act, and b) knows about acting. Everyone sees movies or watches TV, and they all have opinions about that. Few people watch house painters and say that looks so glamorous, I want to do that too. Is that what I'm saying? Market saturation? That sounds silly. Scratch that one.
I guess it is a big issue. It means being respected or not. If I am expected to work without compensation, then I must have very little intrinsic value. However, I can't demand pay when people can get someone else so easily (even if I am more qualified or not). This is a strange career to be in. I want to talk more about this, but I have to leave so I can drive for an hour and a half to get the the set where I am filming an unpaid student project.
I like the concept and I like the part. It's small, but it will look good in my reel. It's a new concept for me, to be building the foundation of my career on the cheapest bricks with plans of increasing the worth of every layer I add.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
What does selling out look like?
I'm trying to figure out if I'm a sell-out or not, or what a sell out actually is.
Some fringe artists seem to believe that any time you get money for doing something, that's selling out. I'm not that anti-anything to fall near this camp. I know another actor who gladly admits to "selling himself out" for any and every commercial over the span of fifteen years. He seems comfortable in his life. Not super famous, but been in pretty much everything as a day player. Is that selling out? Working your craft?
My issue right now is that I got cast in a commercial for a company I do not support. Does this mean I sold out? I'm an extra, so my face probably won't be seen, even if I'm not seen, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still doing it. Is it okay because I'm taking their money, or not okay because I'm taking their money? Work is work, but not all work is created equal. At this point, I'm not doing anything against my personal morals, but yesterday morning I never would have thought of working for them. Ever. Now I apparently will.
All steps to get my own stuff produced, like I am gaining points for doing all these other things, and when I get enough points, I can cash them in for my own project. In that sense, I think the means and the ends are not that different. As of now, I am content in my choice. It does not not change who I am. It does remain an interesting question; what does selling out look like?
Some fringe artists seem to believe that any time you get money for doing something, that's selling out. I'm not that anti-anything to fall near this camp. I know another actor who gladly admits to "selling himself out" for any and every commercial over the span of fifteen years. He seems comfortable in his life. Not super famous, but been in pretty much everything as a day player. Is that selling out? Working your craft?
My issue right now is that I got cast in a commercial for a company I do not support. Does this mean I sold out? I'm an extra, so my face probably won't be seen, even if I'm not seen, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still doing it. Is it okay because I'm taking their money, or not okay because I'm taking their money? Work is work, but not all work is created equal. At this point, I'm not doing anything against my personal morals, but yesterday morning I never would have thought of working for them. Ever. Now I apparently will.
All steps to get my own stuff produced, like I am gaining points for doing all these other things, and when I get enough points, I can cash them in for my own project. In that sense, I think the means and the ends are not that different. As of now, I am content in my choice. It does not not change who I am. It does remain an interesting question; what does selling out look like?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monsters (watch it)
Pleasantly surprised.
Someone posted they had watched the movie Monsters in their facebook status and he is an intellectual, so I figured I might want to check it out. This evening when I logged into my friend's Netflix account I saw that he had watched it too...or at least 6% of it. So I figured why not.
Excellent choice. I wanted to keep watching it. Sometimes when I watch movies at home I end up doing other things. With this one I just watched it and enjoyed every moment of it. I even had to sit up more than once because I was so drawn into the moment. Some mildly thrilling moments placed throughout this one. It's a small movie about small things, with big things happening in the background. It's the kind of "monster" movie I like, one that is not about the monsters, but about the people dealing with the monsters. I also went in hoping that the title was a double entendre figuring I would be disappointed when I would inevitably figure out that it's just another low-budget movie about the effects. It had effects, but only to tell the story, not really showing them off too much. And the title? Contented with its play on language. [NOTE: if you haven't seen the movie yet, you'd be better off stopping here and watching it. There's no spoilers per se, but my experience of this film was going in blind. I think that's the best way to do it, so go watch it. Yes, you!]
That's what a real monster movie should be about, how more like the monsters we are. Not that this one did that, but it was subtle enough for me to go through the whole movie and only ponder on this note when I was done. If it surprised me, then I have to rave about it. Also, I discovered why it showed that my friend only watched 6% of the movie, because as soon as I finished it, I went back and watched the beginning just to see if what I thought was true or not.
It was.
Someone posted they had watched the movie Monsters in their facebook status and he is an intellectual, so I figured I might want to check it out. This evening when I logged into my friend's Netflix account I saw that he had watched it too...or at least 6% of it. So I figured why not.
Excellent choice. I wanted to keep watching it. Sometimes when I watch movies at home I end up doing other things. With this one I just watched it and enjoyed every moment of it. I even had to sit up more than once because I was so drawn into the moment. Some mildly thrilling moments placed throughout this one. It's a small movie about small things, with big things happening in the background. It's the kind of "monster" movie I like, one that is not about the monsters, but about the people dealing with the monsters. I also went in hoping that the title was a double entendre figuring I would be disappointed when I would inevitably figure out that it's just another low-budget movie about the effects. It had effects, but only to tell the story, not really showing them off too much. And the title? Contented with its play on language. [NOTE: if you haven't seen the movie yet, you'd be better off stopping here and watching it. There's no spoilers per se, but my experience of this film was going in blind. I think that's the best way to do it, so go watch it. Yes, you!]
That's what a real monster movie should be about, how more like the monsters we are. Not that this one did that, but it was subtle enough for me to go through the whole movie and only ponder on this note when I was done. If it surprised me, then I have to rave about it. Also, I discovered why it showed that my friend only watched 6% of the movie, because as soon as I finished it, I went back and watched the beginning just to see if what I thought was true or not.
It was.
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